The many emotions of a Tier 4 Christmas
It may not have been a surprise, it may have been the right thing to do… but wow…. announcing that London & the South East would move to Tier 4 for Christmas, banning household mixing with less than a week to go, really triggered a wealth of reactions.
Personally, I was gutted, but relieved. I was sad then angry. I was irrational yet reflective. And everyone I spoke to seemed to be feeling a whole spectrum of emotions too. So I thought about this from the perspective of Emotional Intelligence and wanted to put ‘pen to paper’ to sum up the emotions we might be feeling.
Anger: It is ok to feel angry. We often feel anger when we’re threatened, but this doesn’t have to be a direct threat just to our current health (although in this case of course Covid is), but to our way of living too. The changes we’re facing threaten this, and have changed many of our Christmas plans beyond recognition. Anger can also be triggered by feelings of unfairness, and for those of us who have followed rules and regulations all year of course it’s not fair. Nothing in this situation is fair. And to really top it all off, anger is heightened when we feel frustrated and powerless. When we feel anger, it’s a sign that our brain believes we’re in crisis and we need to work hard to calm ourselves down with breathing techniques and regulate the activity of our stress hormones
Sad: it is ok to feel sad. Many will have cried when hearing the news. Tears are a natural part of this emotion and an automatic body function. Unlike the tears designed to clean our eyes from dirt and toxins, our emotional tears have a higher percentage of protein in them with no known scientific benefit other than their ability to cling to the skin and be more visible to those around us. When we cry it’s our bodies way of seeking attention and comfort from those around us. Many studies tell us of the need for humans to be sociable creatures and to remove such an important interaction as Christmas might therefore trigger a big response. Our tears are indicating that we need something from other humans, so don’t delay in reaching out to those who are your biggest support
We turn to humour: It is ok to do this. Within minutes of the announcements came the memes. It may seem an odd response, but humour has been used for centuries as a powerful tool of resilience. Often found at times of injustice or stress, people can turn to humour as a way to diminish their feeling of suffering. In it’s most extreme form ‘gallows humour’ was even seen as a strength of character in the face of adversity as people faced the very worst with a smile and a joke as their secret tool of defiance. This humour coping mechanism allows us to express complicated feelings, and can be particularly common when we struggle to find our own voices or when we feel out of control. When we find ourselves turning to jokes, we might find it worthwhile to stop and consider how we really feel about the situation too
Irrational: It is ok to feel irrational. We may have found ourselves pointing the finger of blame at others this weekend. This could be the government, or it could be us condemning the actions of others (people we know and strangers too). Every action taken could be blown out of proportion in our minds creating ‘villains’ of the Covid crisis. But blaming others is often a sign of our lack of control. We are powerless over the social distancing rules so we put ourselves in a superior seat by owning the ‘story’ we tell ourselves where we would have acted in a much better way and made much better decisions. Blame is complicated, as it also means if there are ‘villains’ then you are the ‘victim’. Taking the role of the ‘victim’ can be another sign that you are crying out for attention from others. Short-term irrational thoughts are understandable in a crisis, but don’t let them build. Reach out for other people’s perspectives encouraging you to both think more rationally and fulfil the need for interaction simultaneously.
Numb: It is ok to feel numb. When something big happens, we may find ourselves surrounded by other people’s big reactions whilst we ourselves are unsure of exactly how we feel. For many the scrapping of Christmas bubbles had a big impact, but rather than shout or cry, instead we might have felt indifferent or unsure. For reflective people it is common to withhold a final decision on a situation until it has been considered in full. The changes to plans (logistically) and social opportunities (emotionally) may take some time to process and leave us feeling a little numb in the meantime. This is heightened when we are faced with uncertainty, meaning our brains can’t plan ahead as we’d like to. When we feel like this, we should allow our brains the time to think and try and focus on one-step at a time. Rather than overwhelm our brain we’d be wiser to deal with the unfolding situations as they arise day by day
“It's no big deal”: It’s ok to feel like this. For some people, the changes created an over-reaction in other people. This may be a coping mechanism (If you pretend it’s no big deal it prevents you feeling upset), or it might be that it hasn’t directly impacted your values in the same way. For some people Christmas comes to symbolise everything they hold dear about their family and friends. A celebration of togetherness, a practice of their beliefs. We all have different values and if you feel like the change is no big deal then perhaps your values are just different, and that’s ok! When we feel like this, we might find ourselves better placed to support those who are struggling - using our own strength to boost those most in need
There are so many more emotions to feel that the experts could fill a book on this. But whilst it’s ok to feel whatever emotion you feel about the changes to Christmas, I encourage anyone who is worried about how they’re coping to reach out to their local healthcare provider or charities such as Samaritans.org, CALM (thecalmzone.net) and mind.org.uk. If you’re struggling, please talk to someone
2020 has been a tough year, and I hope we can all soon look ahead with positivity to 2021
